Many of us have suffered the loss of a significant other through breakup, divorce, or death. Losing someone temporarily or permanently evokes the same emotions of separation. We have witnessed this many times, after a funeral – family members or friends suffering the mental and emotional pain that has to be dealt with in the five stages of grief:


All relationships have a shelf life if they are not cultivated properly. In any great relationship LOVE must be cultivated, and both parties must remain friends. It is easy to forget the things that brought you together, if you stop practicing what made the relationship great in the first place.

sad-black-womanRecently, I had two friends tell me about their breakups. Both of them stated in some form how they should have done something better to keep their ‘man.’ On the other hand I had a break-up, and I did not feel the same. I felt that it was best to endure the emotional hurt of a break up, then to have a relationship that was not healthy.

What is the separating quality of these breakups? My response would have to be, I had a clear understanding of the value of God’s love for me, and they did not. Does this make me better? No, by no means, but it does help place things in greater perspective. It was through my acceptance of God’s love that I would not tolerate being treated beneath the standards of God that I was designed for as a woman. That standard is giving and receiving love:

love is

Understand, I do not keep a record of my ex’s wrong, but repeatedly I continued to see a pattern. He had his own agenda, no compromising very much self-seeking, and I’d add delighting in evil with his cheating ways. Many times we see the signs of a bad relationship, either we ignore them, or confront what is happening.

Bad relationships will never gain anyone an advantage. Through television reality shows, social media, and in some cases our upbringing – we see many women fighting over what they consider theirs. However, we cannot own anyone, and we should not try to be with someone that clearly is not committed to us exclusively.

Enough already! Enough with being the victim, enough with the arguing; take a break and learn of God’s love for YOU!

healthy relationshipLet’s start fresh in 2015 by selecting healthy relationships. Take the time now, and decide if that person you love so much, can love you back equally or more. If not, leave it alone. Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can change the other person. Like you, change is a subjective decision made internally.

In most cases external stimuli or your threats to leave will not change the other person’s mind. Of course, I have not been as wise as I am today, but I know others that have suffered from the regret of wasted time. Time trying to make things right, time trying to make things work, time trying to lose weight, or time jumping through the selfish hoops of someone else’s desire to mold you into their dream girl.

We can be left with lingering financial woes, or rising our children alone. Over and again, we have laid down what is best for self to appease a man’s sense of satisfaction. Going forward, let’s make the decision to live a life that identifies with the value that God has placed on our lives.

Look beyond past mistakes of choosing unworthy companions. We do not have to give up everything to be with Mr. Wrong. God loves us – AS IS – and we do not have to perform for His acceptance! So that means God does not want us to give up our mental and physical well being for others. Everyone can stand some improvement, but in the list of making things right above, these cases are about control and manipulation.

So I ask, “Where did the value of loving self-disappear to? Why do we choose to believe that our only way to live a happy life is through having someone by our side?”

know-your-worthMaking no apologies: Increasing YoUr Woman means to prize yourself above what anyone else thinks. It means that no matter the curves that have been thrown your way, you will not allow anyone to treat you beneath the value that God has placed on you!

Do you know what the Bible says about you as a woman? That in the beginning He created both male and female in His image and it was very good. God sees you as “Very Good!” We allow what people have said, what they have done, or what we have experienced to lower that value. Not so, we are created to live according to the value and love that God has for us.

We are the head and not the tail. We are above and not beneath, and it does not matter the station of life you currently find yourself. We do not come behind in any good thing regardless of the circumstances. Love does not change! Agree with God’s value of who you are to Him, and then chose to live a drama free life! This New Year 2015, I am asking you to choose true Love in Your Relationships. As you come to love and accept you, God will send that perfect match for you. Till then Increase YoUr Woman!

Tonya 2

Tonya Montgomery ~ Increase YoUr Woman!


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Tonya J. Montgomery

Tonya J. Montgomery