Black woman hugging her knees

Heading into autumn, I thought to address a few of the summer time blues that some of my females friends find themselves trapped in each year. Let’s be honest here, how many of you can say that you are, or know someone that has a man…but only to discover he is not really ‘your’ man? Ladies we have to face some hard truths dealing with relationships, and the first thing is being honest with yourself.

“It is interesting to me that the women I see doesn’t see the vision of what they can be.”

Real simple statement; however, I know women that settle for a piece of a man, or a man that takes care of us while beating the dog snot out of us without blinking an eye. Or, it could be that the man is married. Even more humiliating is that some men have several other women on the side; like telling me I am his number is worth the derogation to the soul. Now here is a sho’nuff tip off that you may not be as cherished as you believe, does he disappear in the winter months, snuggled up with the wife / wifey / babymomma?

So tell me, do you really have a man? Next we have the man that takes no concern about what is happening in your life, or the lives of your children. What about when he only wants to take you out, but you never meet his family?  Settling for poor, weak, part-time, ugh! Why do we say, such stupid things like, “At least I got a man!” I beg to differ you have a selfish child that will continue to treat you less than you deserve – unless you understand the value of you.

Hard lessons to learn; because, some may suffer from father abandonment, low self-esteem, or other soul beating issues that will not allow us to see the value within. Consistently we equate how we are treated by others as a measuring stick of how we deserve to be treated in relationships. We have to learn not to settle for the status quo of our upbringing, working situations, social setting, educational environments, or bad advice – to give us value as a woman.

black-woman-hugging-herself-pfHave you ever taken the time to love who you are, or know what you do really well in life? Beauty is an ever evolving, as we mature and grow comfortable in the skin we are in. Take your time and do it right, its like this maybe you couldn’t ride a bike last year, but you continued and you were successful. Same thing when selecting a man:

Be honest with yourself on what you want from a relationship: is it companionship, intimacy, short term boyfriend, or husband. Whatever the target do not settle for less than what is true in your heart. Being with someone just to have someone is not a good idea; because, what happens if the right one comes along and you are trapped in a dead end relationship? Take stock of whom and what you are: love yourself enough not to settle for parts, or pieces of a man. Once you know what you are willing to accept in a relationship then you will continue to Increase YoUR Woman.

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Tonya J. Montgomery

Tonya J. Montgomery